Eclectia...

I am a sick man, I am a spiteful man, I think that my brain is diseased. I will never know for certain how serious my condition is because I forbid myself from visiting any psychological professional. A great man once said that whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger; that may be the reason why I shy away from medicine and treatment. It isn't that I don't respect the members of the psychological community it is just that I wish to leave this world as soon as possible, for it is common knowledge that life isn't worth living anyways even if you grow in strength. So why don't I take my own life? you may ask. The only answer I could provide for that question is that I am a coward, and fear most every outcome to a decision, so I make a great effort not to make any decisions at all that produce an alternative to the status quo. This may lead one to believe that I am quite content with the state of the world and that there is nothing to be done to improve the quality of collective life. Not so! I simply know that I, like most everyone else, am too feeble of mind to know what decisions would add to the benefit of mankind and which will be a detriment. This is why I border upon non-existence, because I cherish these earthly things far too greatly to chance loosing them to a capricious whim.

Prologue

A menacing beast watched over me this morning during the rush hour drive to work. Standing tall between the streetlights, its dark body and broad shoulders pierced the smoldering rain clouds. Motionless, it beckoned me forward toward the land of filth and sin. What torment and fear this creature inflicts upon me. Am I the only one affected by the beast? Has everyone else become desensitized to this monster? I feel certain that some have even grown to love the over powering presence, to the point where they cannot leave his sight. For me however, the only consolation comes when I retreat to the saftey of the indoors, but often even there is not secure enough for me, what truely aleves anxiety is the cold darkness of the underground.