Loss of faith...

This is pointless. What in the world am I writing for? To pass the time quicker. Why don't I play mindless online games that require strategy and timing, so that my mind can become bogged down with meaningless tasks to divert my attention away from this life that borders nonexistence? Because they bore me. But I am already bored, and that is why I write blogs expressing my demented idiocy that I loathe so much. My attitude would be different if I felt some sense of accomplishment after finishing a post, but instead my stomach boils as I try to half-heartedly justify the reasoning for making such a non grata effort. I tell myself that maybe someday, someone will stumble upon my site and think a positive thought. That is highly unlikely due to the consistently negative theme for each posting. I have a hard time avoiding negativity when I write. In every other facet of my life I'm all smiles and laughter, but when I put pen to paper or finger tips to keyboard, all I tend to spew out is shit. I think that is because I can't bullshit myself that easily when I write. For some bizaar reason my hands won't accept my lies as well as the other parts of my body. Maybe I should be like Daniel Day Lewis and write my postings with my left foot, then they might appear to be cheery (<--My feable attempt at a joke.............. :b ). Why should I be so god damned sunny all the time? Why not be sullen and dismal? The world around us is represented by a bell curve, so there is an equal amount of good and bad. Why do I tend to focus on the bad? I am a stubborn ass. I cannot be satisfied with a world filled with people that let the statistics influence them instead them influencing the statistics.
What is the point of writing these blogs? I do occassionally read them and think to myself that I'm a nut case. It's as entertaining as it is depressing. I do wish that I can make a positive impact in somebody else, but I'm afraid I'm only hurting the people that, for some ungodly reason, read this drivel. Honestly that is not my intent. I want to help. I want to show people that they aren't the only ones that want a better world but can't make a difference given their environment. I want people to know that they aren't the only ones losing faith. Maybe by doing that the dying ember of hope can grow.