Ex Tempore...
That crowded feeling has been creeping up on me recently. I'm starting to think that there is no more room to accomplish anything. So to counter this state I am blogging it away, and what better way than off the cuff.
Blogging is great. You feel as though you are accomplishing something, but instead you are just releasing some pressure. This doesn't impede me from feeling the sense of accomplishment when I'm done. It just makes it so I don' t blog again for quite some time... because this is all bullshit.
Yeah, I tip tap on this keyboard, rant on about meaningless bullshit that doesn't effect the world in a single way, yet I spin these little wheels of mine and get nowhere. So why do it? I pose that question to myself every time I desire to put something out there... Well, there is no answer that wouldn't be a lie.
So what should I rant about. How much America blows? How shitty this world is? How I'm a marionette trying to sell my strings to the highest bidder? Why I haven't just given up fighting already? Fuck it! It's all just old hat. Been around the schoolyard, around the world and laid to rest years ago. I keep on reinventing the wheel. Acting as an echo and never saying anything original.
I like to think that everybody goes through this. Nietzsche wasn't original. Many of his concepts were identical to ideas published by Doestoyevsky years earlier (i.e. Nietzsche: All is permitted [Thus Spoke Zarathustra]; Doestoyevsky: All is legal [Crime and Punishment]).
Sure, I've had moments when I thought I developed an original idea, but then a couple days, weeks, months, or years later I read a book or magazine, listen to music or watch a movie and there it is... the idea I thought was mine turns out to be someone else's. Of course it isn't exactly the same, there are differences, but the crux of the matter remains. I just want to develop something so radical that nobody could've come up with the same or similar concept.
Dreams of the idealist, with no potentiality of fruition. I have a consistently nagging demon that whispers in my ear urging me to give it up. Slowly the volume is increasing. But why should I say that I have nothing to contribute. I want to give... I want to have an impact, make a splash, leave my mark, and all that other shit that validates your existence. Without it, what the fuck is the point of being.
For people today it is enough to just enjoy life. When they die, it would be as though they never existed. That is not enough for me! Maybe I'm a selfish brat, or an ungreatful ass, but I need to have more than that. Yeah let's smoke crack, shoot up, or fuck our lives away. The constant presence and impulse of a pointless goal to strive towards is my idea of hell. The mind dies. The self is no longer important. You fuse into the rest of the unconscious mass.
The Upanishads state that communing with the greater whole is the ultimate act of spirituality and that all should strive towards abandoning attachment. Make yourself believe that there is no "I". I consider that suicide. You are voluntarily letting go of your life. The hindu scriptures argue that all sense of control is only a delusion, so why bother trying to hold onto a delusion when you can just let go and join the cosmic force of the universe and be content? I see their point but I still feel that whatever control we do have we should use it to advance the causes of life. For instance, life has a track record of progressing towards higher order, more efficiency, and higher complexity. So if we could wield our control to serve those purposes then we are supplementing life itself.
The goal for everyone is to become a longer spoke in the wheel of life. Sure your efforts alone would make for a bumpy ride, but when everybody follows your lead, obstacles are easier to overcome and we all progress faster.
Alright I'm done ranting... Until my next episode.
Blogging is great. You feel as though you are accomplishing something, but instead you are just releasing some pressure. This doesn't impede me from feeling the sense of accomplishment when I'm done. It just makes it so I don' t blog again for quite some time... because this is all bullshit.
Yeah, I tip tap on this keyboard, rant on about meaningless bullshit that doesn't effect the world in a single way, yet I spin these little wheels of mine and get nowhere. So why do it? I pose that question to myself every time I desire to put something out there... Well, there is no answer that wouldn't be a lie.
So what should I rant about. How much America blows? How shitty this world is? How I'm a marionette trying to sell my strings to the highest bidder? Why I haven't just given up fighting already? Fuck it! It's all just old hat. Been around the schoolyard, around the world and laid to rest years ago. I keep on reinventing the wheel. Acting as an echo and never saying anything original.
I like to think that everybody goes through this. Nietzsche wasn't original. Many of his concepts were identical to ideas published by Doestoyevsky years earlier (i.e. Nietzsche: All is permitted [Thus Spoke Zarathustra]; Doestoyevsky: All is legal [Crime and Punishment]).
Sure, I've had moments when I thought I developed an original idea, but then a couple days, weeks, months, or years later I read a book or magazine, listen to music or watch a movie and there it is... the idea I thought was mine turns out to be someone else's. Of course it isn't exactly the same, there are differences, but the crux of the matter remains. I just want to develop something so radical that nobody could've come up with the same or similar concept.
Dreams of the idealist, with no potentiality of fruition. I have a consistently nagging demon that whispers in my ear urging me to give it up. Slowly the volume is increasing. But why should I say that I have nothing to contribute. I want to give... I want to have an impact, make a splash, leave my mark, and all that other shit that validates your existence. Without it, what the fuck is the point of being.
For people today it is enough to just enjoy life. When they die, it would be as though they never existed. That is not enough for me! Maybe I'm a selfish brat, or an ungreatful ass, but I need to have more than that. Yeah let's smoke crack, shoot up, or fuck our lives away. The constant presence and impulse of a pointless goal to strive towards is my idea of hell. The mind dies. The self is no longer important. You fuse into the rest of the unconscious mass.
The Upanishads state that communing with the greater whole is the ultimate act of spirituality and that all should strive towards abandoning attachment. Make yourself believe that there is no "I". I consider that suicide. You are voluntarily letting go of your life. The hindu scriptures argue that all sense of control is only a delusion, so why bother trying to hold onto a delusion when you can just let go and join the cosmic force of the universe and be content? I see their point but I still feel that whatever control we do have we should use it to advance the causes of life. For instance, life has a track record of progressing towards higher order, more efficiency, and higher complexity. So if we could wield our control to serve those purposes then we are supplementing life itself.
The goal for everyone is to become a longer spoke in the wheel of life. Sure your efforts alone would make for a bumpy ride, but when everybody follows your lead, obstacles are easier to overcome and we all progress faster.
Alright I'm done ranting... Until my next episode.
