Obscured by Clouds...
Damn, I've smoked too much. It's been so long since the last time, I could be losing my tolerance. Why did I accept that hitter when I know I can't handle it? Because, I can't deny that I love this roller coaster ride. Best option is to not think of what's to come and I'll be fine.
What's that buzzing? No doubt its the vibration of the car from the wind. My senses are unusually acute right now. I think I can hear my heart beating in my ears. Funny how that sound seems to disappear during sobriety, but I never tend to miss it.
Wait that's not my heart, it's coming from behind me. The capillaries are near the back of the ear. I think I'm freaking out. Maybe it's a car behind us. I have to try to look inconspicuous just in case it's a cop, not too fast or slow or jerky. Focus on the finesse of the motion.
No one there, we're alone on the highway. Should I ask the others if they hear it? Bad idea, they'll ostracize me as being the first to wig out and this whole trip will be a paranoid spiral into the depths of humiliation. I'd rather just ride this out and hope for the best.
I think I just heard a guitar cord. There it is again. Coming from behind you, I'm an idiot! Its the speakers. Keep listening, pay attention to the words. The messages are the strongest while on herb...
Still no words. Time must be slowing to a crawl. The present is devouring the past and future. Maybe this is all just one long present. What's the difference between remembering back to the last time I was stoned in a car, being stoned in a car and anticipating being stoned in a car? Nothing.
One thing is, the older I get the better I get at foreseeing and remembering. But I'm only in my mid twenties. They say a person reaches their mental processing peak about then. Think about it. Einstein was 26 when he came up with special relativity. Richard Feynman was 23 working on the Manhattan Project. Galois was 19 when he came up with group theory.
But what happens after the peak? Do you become skeptical of the new truths like Einstein, ride out your intellectual celebrity like Feynman or simply die early like Galois?
Maybe the spirit within jumps ship. Sure if a part of me had a chance to abandon this world of physical limitations and the cognitive restraints of time and space, you better bet that part of me won't hesitate to jump. To hell with the future of this pitiful heap of decaying mass... No, no, no, can't think like that. I may never get to jump ship.
The way I look at myself will determine whether I'm happy or not. I can force myself to enjoy anything, why not the rotting away of my body and mind? Damn, I hope this refer isn't speeding up the decay. I bet it damages the body while expanding the mind. There is always a give and take to everything. That's Karma for you, the good old tit-for-tat.
I think that this whole Karma thing is just a by product of time. Sure, it's like that Markov chain idea, where each event is only dependent upon the immediate precedents, and that long term probabilities mean nothing. So the eventual chances counteracting one another may happen but also might not. So Karma is a probability not a given.
God, this pot has me reeling. I have to be careful, with this state of mind it could be very easy for the soul to unwind and slip over the fine line and not even know you're trapped on the other side. But, I can't be too careful now, otherwise I'll get paranoid and my soul will tighten up into point, resist every comfort and doubt everything and everyone.
I've got to relax. Remember that people are good... for the most part anyway. Speaking of people, why hasn't anyone in the car spoken yet? Well, there dancing through their minds just as I am. I wonder if everyone thought of the exact same thing at the same time. It happens sometimes where a whole group of people are in tune to the same wavelength; three or four people say and do the same thing at the same time. We all suffer from the human condition and are bound to have identical symptoms simultaneously.
But the whole range of behavior is understandable. I've been acquainted with a variety of people from all different backgrounds, and they all start out roughly the same. The subtle changes in each environment accumulate over time and are responsible for the vast continuum of human behavior.
I get to thinking at moments like this if we are all the same mind, just different bodies. Then when we die do we get redistributed evenly amongst all the mind? Can we choose where we go? Is there any residual impression of what we were? No doubt, this big old knot we all have tied up in our heads prohibits us from ever seeing past ourselves to where we were before and where we will go.
Shit, my heart's pounding. Am I dying? Maybe this whole trip has nothing to do with the drugs. Maybe this is enlightenment and the soul is about to jump ship and the body will return to the earth. Maybe this is what everyone goes through right before they die, only some get the express route to enlightenment. Rather I'm just gradually dying.
Stop thinking like that! I keep ignoring the power of affirmation. If you believe something enough, your subjective experience will eventually come into accordance. It's no different than the power of prayer.
I've thought long and hard about that phenomenon and am quite certain that the mechanics behind it mesh with contemporary science. Its that whole quantum tunneling thing combined with the path of least resistance. This means that an event will occur more readily if a observer is ready to witness it. So by getting my mind ready to witness an event I prime my neurons to observe that event and propagate from my retina until the signal dies in my cerebral depths. So this whole relay of observation compounds the strength of the power of affirmation. Meaning that if I believe something with every fiber of my being, having even the nerves connected to the muscles at the base of every hair on my body primed and ready for an event, then that event has a much higher likelihood of occurring. But we consciously only have a limited control over this mental power. We are conditioned to believe in certain restrictions in the world. For instance the fragility of the body...
My skin feels hot. My hands are clammy. I think I may be losing this high. Well, it was fun while it lasted. For a while there I thought my head would explode, or at least I would end up passing out from a seizure induced by brain fever. Ha! Brain fever, I haven't heard that term since the last Dostoevsky novel I read. Maybe I have brain fever, or rather a mild case of schizophrenia (people make the mind much more complicated than they need to live), I have many of the symptoms: disruption in cognition, loss of temporal perception, inability to distinguish the self, fixation on delusions, and inability to concentrate on any one thing. I'd like to thank my psychology teacher for her rigorous teaching of the DSM-IV.
The most profound symptom during this trip so far has been the loss of time. For a while there I didn't know if I was thinking about how this episode might be, actually living through it, or recalling it at some later time. It's probably the last one.
What's that buzzing? No doubt its the vibration of the car from the wind. My senses are unusually acute right now. I think I can hear my heart beating in my ears. Funny how that sound seems to disappear during sobriety, but I never tend to miss it.
Wait that's not my heart, it's coming from behind me. The capillaries are near the back of the ear. I think I'm freaking out. Maybe it's a car behind us. I have to try to look inconspicuous just in case it's a cop, not too fast or slow or jerky. Focus on the finesse of the motion.
No one there, we're alone on the highway. Should I ask the others if they hear it? Bad idea, they'll ostracize me as being the first to wig out and this whole trip will be a paranoid spiral into the depths of humiliation. I'd rather just ride this out and hope for the best.
I think I just heard a guitar cord. There it is again. Coming from behind you, I'm an idiot! Its the speakers. Keep listening, pay attention to the words. The messages are the strongest while on herb...
Still no words. Time must be slowing to a crawl. The present is devouring the past and future. Maybe this is all just one long present. What's the difference between remembering back to the last time I was stoned in a car, being stoned in a car and anticipating being stoned in a car? Nothing.
One thing is, the older I get the better I get at foreseeing and remembering. But I'm only in my mid twenties. They say a person reaches their mental processing peak about then. Think about it. Einstein was 26 when he came up with special relativity. Richard Feynman was 23 working on the Manhattan Project. Galois was 19 when he came up with group theory.
But what happens after the peak? Do you become skeptical of the new truths like Einstein, ride out your intellectual celebrity like Feynman or simply die early like Galois?
Maybe the spirit within jumps ship. Sure if a part of me had a chance to abandon this world of physical limitations and the cognitive restraints of time and space, you better bet that part of me won't hesitate to jump. To hell with the future of this pitiful heap of decaying mass... No, no, no, can't think like that. I may never get to jump ship.
The way I look at myself will determine whether I'm happy or not. I can force myself to enjoy anything, why not the rotting away of my body and mind? Damn, I hope this refer isn't speeding up the decay. I bet it damages the body while expanding the mind. There is always a give and take to everything. That's Karma for you, the good old tit-for-tat.
I think that this whole Karma thing is just a by product of time. Sure, it's like that Markov chain idea, where each event is only dependent upon the immediate precedents, and that long term probabilities mean nothing. So the eventual chances counteracting one another may happen but also might not. So Karma is a probability not a given.
God, this pot has me reeling. I have to be careful, with this state of mind it could be very easy for the soul to unwind and slip over the fine line and not even know you're trapped on the other side. But, I can't be too careful now, otherwise I'll get paranoid and my soul will tighten up into point, resist every comfort and doubt everything and everyone.
I've got to relax. Remember that people are good... for the most part anyway. Speaking of people, why hasn't anyone in the car spoken yet? Well, there dancing through their minds just as I am. I wonder if everyone thought of the exact same thing at the same time. It happens sometimes where a whole group of people are in tune to the same wavelength; three or four people say and do the same thing at the same time. We all suffer from the human condition and are bound to have identical symptoms simultaneously.
But the whole range of behavior is understandable. I've been acquainted with a variety of people from all different backgrounds, and they all start out roughly the same. The subtle changes in each environment accumulate over time and are responsible for the vast continuum of human behavior.
I get to thinking at moments like this if we are all the same mind, just different bodies. Then when we die do we get redistributed evenly amongst all the mind? Can we choose where we go? Is there any residual impression of what we were? No doubt, this big old knot we all have tied up in our heads prohibits us from ever seeing past ourselves to where we were before and where we will go.
Shit, my heart's pounding. Am I dying? Maybe this whole trip has nothing to do with the drugs. Maybe this is enlightenment and the soul is about to jump ship and the body will return to the earth. Maybe this is what everyone goes through right before they die, only some get the express route to enlightenment. Rather I'm just gradually dying.
Stop thinking like that! I keep ignoring the power of affirmation. If you believe something enough, your subjective experience will eventually come into accordance. It's no different than the power of prayer.
I've thought long and hard about that phenomenon and am quite certain that the mechanics behind it mesh with contemporary science. Its that whole quantum tunneling thing combined with the path of least resistance. This means that an event will occur more readily if a observer is ready to witness it. So by getting my mind ready to witness an event I prime my neurons to observe that event and propagate from my retina until the signal dies in my cerebral depths. So this whole relay of observation compounds the strength of the power of affirmation. Meaning that if I believe something with every fiber of my being, having even the nerves connected to the muscles at the base of every hair on my body primed and ready for an event, then that event has a much higher likelihood of occurring. But we consciously only have a limited control over this mental power. We are conditioned to believe in certain restrictions in the world. For instance the fragility of the body...
My skin feels hot. My hands are clammy. I think I may be losing this high. Well, it was fun while it lasted. For a while there I thought my head would explode, or at least I would end up passing out from a seizure induced by brain fever. Ha! Brain fever, I haven't heard that term since the last Dostoevsky novel I read. Maybe I have brain fever, or rather a mild case of schizophrenia (people make the mind much more complicated than they need to live), I have many of the symptoms: disruption in cognition, loss of temporal perception, inability to distinguish the self, fixation on delusions, and inability to concentrate on any one thing. I'd like to thank my psychology teacher for her rigorous teaching of the DSM-IV.
The most profound symptom during this trip so far has been the loss of time. For a while there I didn't know if I was thinking about how this episode might be, actually living through it, or recalling it at some later time. It's probably the last one.
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