The Old Man and the Snow...

It snowed twelve inches yesterday. I was on the road most of the night. I left work early to pick up my fiancee in Oak Park, a bordering suburb of Chicago, where she has an internship at a clinic. After picking her up, I was stopped by an old man about three blocks from the clinic.

He was in his seventies, pear shaped with frazzled grey hair and no jacket. He came alongside the passenger side of the car and I rolled down the window. He took hold of the antennae and the door for support.

He was breathing heavily, possibly from hypothermia, and didn't answer me when I asked him if he needed help. He finally responded when I asked him if he was lost by nodding his head and squeezing out a winded "yes".

"Where are you headed?" I asked.

"Is this Joliet?" he asked with a confused grin, taking his hand off the antennae to wipe the snow that had collected on the belly region of his grey henley.

"You're in Oak Park, Joliet is far south from here. Did you get on the wrong train?"

"No, I'm trying to walk to Springfield," he answered curtly as though I should've known.

"Springfield's in the center of the state, about 200 miles away, you can't walk there in this snow." I now knew that he was suffering from dementia.

Moving his shaking hand from the side of the door to my fiancee's seat belt strap, "Can you give me a ride to Springfield?" Her eyes flashed me a frightened look of alarm.

Getting concerned for our safety, I was hoping to scare him into behaving by saying, "I really can't, but there is a police officer headed that way and he's only a block away. I'm sure he'll give you a ride." There was a patrol car that we passed a block back, so I wanted to get this man out of the cold.

"I'll drive, I've got a license," he said, finally letting go of the belt strap but then was trying to open the passenger door. Luckily it was locked, but I had had enough of this man. I rolled up the window and started to drive away slowly. He was trying to hold onto the door handle but couldn't keep up with the car and slipped into a pile of snow on the roadside.

I drove around the block in hope of informing the police officer and also making sure this old man wasn't injured. Unfortunately, the patrol car was no longer there, so I drove to where the man had slipped. He wasn't there either. I parked the car.

Before getting out of the car, I told my girl to call the police and let them know what had happened. I went to where he fell and saw his footprints in the deep snow. He had gotten up and headed to a park known for housing the Pleasant Home mansion. I followed his tracks to the gate on Home Avenue. From the opening I saw his meandering tracks going west across the pristine snow covered park. This was the only entrance to the park. I stood watch at the gateway, making sure that the man wouldn't escape before the police arrived.

I figured that the officers would bring him to the station and hold him in custody for some time in hope that someone would file a missing person's report. The worst case scenario would be the old man being sent to an home and then on to a hospice. I started to think that a cold solitary death would be better.

The snow was falling quite fast. It was collecting to form a thick coat upon my shoulders. The tracks that the old man had left were slowly filling, leaving only an obscure trace of his path across the field. White pillars of smoke rose from the chimneys at either end of the mansion. Branches from the large trees sagged under the weight of the snow clinging to the many leaves that refused to fall this autumn.

My fiancee called out from the car that the police would arrive shortly and I waved back to her in acknowledgement. I remained as a sentinel for some time, watching the fog of my breath being plundered by flakes. I was surprised that the old man hadn't tried to circle back to escape the confines of the park. Maybe he found his way inside the Pleasant Home mansion and was sitting beside a fire drinking tea. Had he collapsed behind the back porch, losing consciousness to a haze that melded with the snow? Perhaps he had scaled the gate and was on his way to Springfield, trudging through the drifts, defying man, logic and nature.

A smile warmed my face despite the bitter cold. I leaned against the large iron gate, watching his tracks disappear and hoping that he would escape before the cops came.

To Dispel Hell...

A comment by Squirrel to a previous post posed a question: "Why is it that many of us non-believers seem to be so miserable in our environments. If you're not this way then what is it that makes you giggle like a little kid?" In that same comment, Squirrel stated that heaven is the mental state of people that believe that something better follows this physical reality and hell is the mental state of believers of a post mortem non-existence.

I replied that the misery of the non-believer is due to the dread of death, for they don't want their existence to cease. Indeed this life is hell. Everyday the person lives in terror over what could possibly kill them. This fear becomes the driving force of their every decisions.

The non-believer's life is quite the opposite of the faith in love model of Christ. But the Christian belief of a life (as we know it) after death has no real proof. It is faith and hope. And those that adhere to this ideology are basing their beliefs upon conjecture. They smudge the truth to make themselves happier with reality. But that is simply living in ignorance.

The proponents of this ideology have built an elaborate house of cards to support their claims. Adherents of this false reality swear by this manufactured truth; they're willing to sacrifice themselves and loved ones just to prove to themselves that they truly believe in it. They act radically claiming it is God's will, when indeed it was a form of dementia brought on by the incongruity of their mental construct with reality.

This Christian model of a happy life does not mesh well with the pursuit of truth. Certainly we've all heard the mantra that "God is truth". But when god is the subjective perception of the interconnectedness of all things, then truth varies from individual to individual based upon their exposure to all things.

A major fault of Christianity is that they impose a version of God amongst all their followers. This may be done under the assumption that having a generalized and flexible definition of God allows for leverage incorporating a wide array of concepts for the subjective God. However, this assumption is still a constraint and inhibits growth. This may be one of the reasons why the followers of Christ have experienced many revolutions within their faith so as to incorporate ideas the central leadership deem heretical (that could be a topic for another entry).

So where are we? Non-believers are in hell from a dread of non-existence. Believers are in bliss at the cost of ignorance. Non-believers cannot become believers because they cannot bring themselves to accept a false reality and therefore must stay in hell.

So, what option does a non-believer have to become happy? Forbid themselves from peering so deeply? That is just another form of ignorance. Do they accept the conflict between faith and happiness as unsolvable and continue on with their lives? That is mere complacency. Or do they cling to a hope that one day they will discover the answer to the problem of existence after physical death? I have chosen the last option.

The answer to existence after death, for me, must be grounded in science, meaning that it is arrived upon by doubt. A non-believer should have no problem with believing in doubt. How, then, does science deal with existence?

Existence for people is synonymous with their consciousness. Consciousness is simply reaction to stimuli. We enjoy higher consciousness because of our 100 billion neurons with over 100 trillion interconnections all resonating impulses brought on by stimuli.

The essence of reality gets tied up in our brains and eventually settles to form mental models in the form of neural interconnections. Over time these mental models gain or loose strength depending on the outcome of events. If a perception cannot fit within an existing model, a new model is formed to accomodate it.

Our character is therefore defined by pattern of the strengths of the connections between the types of neurons. The hieghtened sense of consciousness is the result of the recursive property of neural interconnections. Example: a mirror is placed a distance before our eyes, a wave front collides with the photon receptors of the retina sending a signature signal cascading through the brain to the occipital lobe, filtering through the neural network the signature signal of our face settles into the neural model of our own likeliness, disheveled hair marks an incongruity with the ideal model and a signal travels to the frontal lobe where a decision is made whether to send impulses to the motor cortex to move the hand to the head in a direction that would result in the hair being moved to a more fitting location, the decision is made based upon factors of expectation and present conditions, expectation is based upon past experience, etc...

What may upset some people is that when we die the pattern that governs our reactions to stimuli degrade and the energy that was once tied up in our minds is now free. That imprisonment of energy was what constituted our higher consciousness. We must remember that the mind is a restriction upon the flow of energy.

Pleasure is, for the most part, the result of a mental state transition from a higher energy state (ie. Tension, pressure, resistance, heart rate) to a lower state.

We sometimes find pleasure in exciting activities that at first glance don't appear to lower our energy state. For instance watching a football game. Our energy increases with tension, heart rate and blood pressure throughout the game. When our team scores a touchdown, we cheer and are slightly relieved. This change of energy state is brought about by the drama of the game, and we therefore find it pleasurable to watch.

The best example is the orgasm. Before orgasm, the blood pressure is high, brain activity spikes, the heart rate is up, and the muscles are tensed. But suddenly a threshold is breached and endorphins are released into the bloodstream, causing a rapid decrease of energy state. The French call the orgasm the "little death" and rightly so. The swift change in state from high to low is also experienced during death. Death is the door to what is, most likely, everlasting pleasure.

I'm not advocating that all people should start committing suicide in droves to experience everlasting pleasure. There are qualities of existence that are inherent only to this tied up knot we call a brain. There is a power that we wield, and hardly ever realize it.

The source of the power resides in observation of stimuli, also known as consciousness. I explained, in an earlier post that consciousness is a force that guides energy in conjunction with the path of least resistance. We have the ability to prime our brain cells to expect a certain stimulus. This priming decreases the resistance that energy must overcome in order to travel. Every one of those 100 billion neurons observes stimuli, and therefore possesses the force consciousness. When this force is compounded it can create an environment that "causes" certain primed events to occur.

Telekinesis, time travel, telepathy, and teleportation could all be possible. Sure it sounds like science fiction, and I'm not even certain if it is entirely likely, but right now there is a potential, although very slim.

I don't know if I answered any question with this rant, but certain problems don't have answers (i.e. NP Complete Algorithms). I do think that hell has been dispelled, from hope from growth. The human potential seems endless, and with that in mind, this little time segment we call ours seems inconsequential.

Random Quotes from the PDA [7]...

A Five Minute Play

[A man and a woman stroll to a corner of a crowded party...]
Andrew - This is certainly going to be refreshing. After two minutes we've already been abandoned by the host and her husband and now it seems we've found our way to the most remote corner of this mini-cooper they call a condo. I'm already looking forward to our early departure.
Diane - Oh stop with the pessimism. If participating in society were your discretion we'd live quite lives of solitude congratulating each other for not succumbing to such frivolity. But luckily your time is at my disposal for the moment, and I demand that you relax and enjoy yourself.
Andrew - You are quite right my dear, I do regard pandering to the counterfeit friendships of these old associates from our past, who all should've remained a memory alone, as an incessant waste of time and not worthy of the precious time we have together.
Diane - Just like you to be sentimental and melodramatic. Save those reactions for future alcohol driven conversations about religion and politics.
Andrew - Certainly its the one interfering with the other that spawns the problems in each.
Diane - Just as you spawn the problems here.
Andrew - I am simply reacting accordingly to the environment to which I'm exposed.
Diane - And vice versa.
Andrew - What is that supposed to imply? That I'm the anchor holding the world back?
Diane - Again with the melodrama. Please, just try to make the best of this without complaint. There is no need to worry all will be just fine.
Andrew - Indeed.
[They stand in silence for sometime, then noticing a man passed out on the couch.]
Andrew - My, that man is certainly making a spectacle of himself. One should at least possess the self-respect to practice some restraint in the presence of company.
Diane - Oh leave him alone, he's isn't bothering a soul, just let him lie.
Andrew - Absolutely... You meant like a dog, no?
Diane - As though your evenings never results with you intoxicated, face down on a couch, drooling over pillows and cushions.
Andrew - At least I was able to control myself until the end of a party.
Diane - Yes, and every guest at those parties enjoyed themselves more when you finally lost consciousness. And besides we arrived late because of you not wanting to come, so this is already near the end.
Andrew - So I suppose we'll be leaving soon... Oh look, he's rolling over...Isn't... Isn't that your ex-boyfriend, Curtis?
Diane - Its been years since last seeing him, I'm sure I can't recall his features.
Andrew - No, no, I'm certain that's him.
Diane - So what if that is him? Do you expect me to feel embarrassed as though I'm responsible for every person in my past, no matter how distant a relation.
Andrew - It seems I've struck a nerve, maybe I should be concerned. Do you still love him?
Diane - Yes Andrew, I love him. I've only been with you for that past two years simply to make Curtis jealous. God I hope he notices me tonight. How's my makeup?
Andrew - Do you have any sense of decency?
Diane - Oh darling you know that you're the only man in the world to me...
Andrew - Wait, those younger kids have caught notice of him. This should be entertaining.
Diane - Kids, how old are they, twenty? What makes them kids? Are their trousers too loose for your taste?
Andrew - One boy has a marker; I think he's planning to draw on Curtis.
Diane - That is simply childish. Are you going to just let this happen.
Andrew - I believe that its my duty to allow him to awake to a lesson, so no.
Diane - That's plain cowardice.
Andrew - Certainly, its what he would've wanted. Wasn't he driven to bankruptcy because he wouldn't confront a roommate that stole his credit card.
Diane - It wasn't stolen it was borrowed.
Andrew - Even better.
Diane - That is still no reason to allow this heinous act to trans... Oh... Oh my...
Andrew - What? Have they begun their facial masterpiece?
Diane - Is that... I think it is... That has to be...
Andrew - my word woman, are you even capable of finishing a sentence?
Diane - Do you remember Anne?
Andrew - Certainly, old roommate, large breasts, preferred her tequila without salt; what of her?
[Awkward silence, staring at Andrew for a moment, he stares back]
Diane - If you must know, she's beside the couch conversing with those boys. No doubt convincing them to rob his wallet.
Andrew - Come now, she's a virtuous woman that embraces firm principles with a rock hard foundation, a regular pillar of society.
Diane - For once could you take your mind off your pillar.
Andrew - Whatever do you mean.
[Diane stares intensely at Andrew, he innocently looks back then towards Anne who walks over as the boys disperse from Curtis. Andrew smiles brightly.]
Anne - Andrew, Diane, how wonderful it is to see you. It's been far too long. You must fill me in on what you two have been up to.
Andrew - Well, you see, after graduation...
Diane - Andrew, dear, would you please go to the bar and get me another drink.
Andrew - You have one in your hand, more than half full.
Diane - It's flat.
Andrew - It's a martini.
Diane - Then it's too dry. Please, be a dear and go fetch me another.
Anne - Go on Andrew, Diane and I have years of girl talk to make up for.
Andrew - In that case ladies, I will return shortly. [Kissing Diane on the cheek as she glares away from him] Darling. [Squeezing Anne's hand and slightly bowing to it] Anne.
[Andrew exits stage right]
Anne - He's a gentleman, however have you managed to keep hold of him so long. It must be your figure. You look great.
Diane - You're looking rather emaciated. Don't tell me you've developed an addiction to methamphetamines.
Anne - Oh, Diane, you haven't lost your wit.
Diane - Nor you your pretentious flattery.
Anne - You haven't changed a bit since college.
Diane - At least one of us is beating the forces of time.
Anne - Speaking of college, guess who's laying inebriated across the room on the couch?
Diane - Is it your better half?
Anne - Better yet, your college sweetheart. It's Curtis, and I just rescued him from three rowdy college kids ready to write all over his face.
Diane - Did you convince them to steal his wallet instead?
Anne - Goodness no, I told them he was a narcoleptic. One boy said that he didn't know his arms were fake. Another asked if he was in the war. The last said 'At ease soldier' and saluted, then they all walked off.
Diane - Just like you to lie so readily.
Anne - Are you harboring some kind of resentment from the past?
Diane - Not at all. I'm simply pointing out that when you're around Curtis, lying comes naturally.
Anne - For the last time, I was not responsible for your split up with Curtis. I thought you would've gotten over this by now.
Diane - The only thing I'm over is you stealing what's mine.
Anne - I never wanted Curtis.
Diane - That's why you were always so nice to him. Sharing tequila shots with him at frat parties. And now, you saved him from being written on even though he's drunk and deserves it.
Anne - Is that what you think, I did it because I still like him? Here I'll show you how much I like him. [Anne walks over, takes out a marker and writes all over Curtis' face. She looks back at Diane and smiles then exits stage left as Diane walks to Curtis' side.]
Diane - [Yelling angrily in the direction of Anne as Andrew enters and Curtis stirs] You vile tramp. You are rotten to the core!
Andrew - [To Diane] Where's Anne, I brought her a Tom Collins? [He puts the drinks on the end table]
Diane - [Glaring at Andrew, fishing out a compact from her purse. She shows Curtis his face] Curtis, look at what was done to you.
Curtis - [Shocked and angry] Who dunnit?
Diane - Anne drew... All over your face.
Curtis - [Getting up swaying] Andrew?
Andrew - [Smiling] Yes?
[Curtis punches Andrew then continues to wrestle with him on the ground. Diane pulls Curtis from Andrew's limp body.]
Diane - [Holding Curtis' swaying body] Please Curtis, it was Anne.
Curtis - Anne?
Diane - Yes Anne?
Curtis - [Andrew rouses himself from the floor and sees Diane holding Curtis] Die Anne! Argh! Die Anne.
Andrew - She's mine! [He slugs Curtis who falls back onto the couch]
Diane - You brute, he's the victim.
Andrew - Well, now I know who has your heart. [He exits stage left]
Curtis - [Coming to consciousness] Die Anne, die Anne.
Diane - [Going to Curtis' side] I'm here, I'm right here.
Curtis - Get away from me you vile tramp, you're rotten to the core. [He pushes her away from him, gets up and wobbles out stage right]
[Andrew and Anne come walking in from stage left, arm in arm as Diane is sobbing beside the couch].
Anne - Oh, poor Diane, why don't you join us for a couple of tequila shots.
Andrew - Honestly dear, you're making a spectacle of yourself. [He and Anne exit stage right]
[The lights dim with only a spotlight on Diane, kneeling on the floor beside the couch]
Diane - Oh God, could nothing be done?
[The stage is filled with a red light. Andrew and Anne walk backwards across the stage from stage right. Curtis walks backwards to the couch. Andrew walks backwards from stage left to couch and reverse slugs Curtis then falls to the floor. Curtis picks up Diane then reverse fights with Andrew then lays on the couch. Andrew then picks up two drinks from end table and walks backwards to stage left as Diane walks backwards across from the couch. Anne walks backwards from stage right to couch and reverse scribbles on Curtis, then walks backwards to Diane. Andrew walks backwards from stage left to Diane and Anne. Three kids walk backwards from stage left to couch to meet with Anne walking backwards to couch. Anne exits backwards to stage left as do the kids thereafter. Curtis rolls over. The lights go back to normal].
Diane - ...You finally lost consciousness. And besides we arrived late because of you not wanting to come, so this is already near the end.
Andrew - So I suppose we'll be leaving-
Diane - [Looking curiously at Andrew, cutting him off] Yes! Right away in fact.
Andrew - [Grabbing a hold of Diane's arm and starting to walk to stage right] That's a fortunate change of heart, I promise you won't regret it.
Diane - [Stopping beside the couch] Hold on dear. [She shakes Curtis] Time to get up and go home, fella.[They start walking out again, Curtis sits himself up]
Andrew - [Looking back at Curtis] Hey, wasn't that your old-
Diane - [Cutting him off] I'm sure I don't know but he'll get a throbbing hang over tomorrow.
Andrew - Indeed.

[They exit stage right to the lights going dim]

Random Quotes from the PDA [6]...

People must have communicated better in the olden days. How could Buddha have had hundreds of thousands of followers without using the internet, newspaper, television, radio, blogs and books? How did Muhammad? Jesus had only twelve, that's a realistic number of desciples; much more believeable.

But now-a-days, you have to wade through oceans of shit before you discover a single individual that resembles a free-thinker. Or at least someone willing to say something. Nobody seems to be able to express enlightenment anymore.

Maybe enlightenment is just a myth. We simply think of it as real because so many people believe it exists. But do they posess it? There has to be some way to exploit that weakness of mankind.

The evidence could be religion itself. Not quite a monopoly, but definitely posessing a loyal customer base. But that loyalty is derived from fear. Fear of eternal damnation, of secular exclusion, of retaliation for ancient crimes, or from parental disowning.

All those forces bind our spirits to religious slavery. Enlightenment should depend upon spiritual freedom, and that will never come in the form of dogmatic shackles. I call for a boycott of every single religion for the sake of our souls. Why should we accept slavery when only the past is what binds us?

Dostoevsky said that eventually people would strive to be born from an idea. I think that happiness and progress depends one whether the idea is the person's own. Once again the quest for originality reappears.

---

Tit for tat can be the most aggravating way to teach a person a lesson. Its even worse if you let the person know what you're doing. When you do, the other revolts against reason and acts from spite.

So the best tactic is to not let the other know any of your motives in behavior. This minimizes the chances of any negative backlash from the other in response to feeling manipulated.

Can this apply to the idea of God? Wouldn't it be in the best interest not to let people know they are being manipulated? If so then any discussion regarding the purpose of life is futile, for it would only be conjecture. This very analysis itself therefore is just an assumption and cannot be proveable one way or another. Alas another non-deterministic polynomial.

---

When you split a single photon of light with a beam-splitter in two directions and in each direction you place a photodetector, the closer of the two photodetectors will ALWAYS detect the photon. Each detector has a fifty percent chance of detecting the photon, but for some reason the photon knows in which direction the closer detector is located and when the beam splitter is encountered the photon chooses or is attracted to the direction of earliest detection. So this event of detection has a force. This is the force of consciousness and the universe favors this force above all others. The force of gravity governs the speed of time and size of space based upon the existense of matter and energy. But the force of consciousness governs the activity of matter and energy. Like gravity the force of consciousness can be multiplied. All that is needed to multiply the force of gravity is velocity and/or additional matter. Consciousness needs energy and feedback.

---

Novel Idea:

Start with my experience going to Tangiers Moracco. Have Katrina get kidnapped as I get shot and robbed and left for dead. An arab school teacher takes me in and nurses me from near death, through delerium, and to health.

I go back to the hotel where the people who regularly lived in the room where I stayed soled all my belongings. I get in touch with parents and have a long conversation about what had happened. I tell them I would try to get back home as soon as possible. I stay with the school teacher until I can get back on my feet.

I visit the U.S. Embassy where I have to wait to get issued a new passport which could take up to three weeks. I am showed a place where I could stay, a large room with rows of flimsy old military mattresses lined up with dozens of people wandering about. I relate this place to purgatory, and decide against stayiing there.

I go back with the school teacher. She helps me find a room to rent nearby with money sent by parents. I get accustomed to arab life and decide to stick around until I find my sister.

My parents protest and threaten to withhold money unless I come home and leave the investigation to the Moraccan authorities. The school teacher helps me get a job at the University teaching english.

From there it spawns off to my pursuits to discover where my sister is. I get close often, once a man admits to killing her.

Include conversations about Islam. The Koran, provided in the room, was the only book I had for a long time. I had nothing else to read until the job at the University.

Occasionally students would visit me in the library and talk about their interests in western culture. I eventually become indirectly involved in a movement led by students wanting to overturn the fundamentalist regime and support one based on tolerance and cooperation with others. The group supported by the students turns out to be just as abusive and oppressive as the other. The group is backed by companies and foreign organizations hoping to exploit the regime change for their own gain.

At the school I consistently find my privacy being intruded upon. Turns out the government of Moracco is investigating me, suspecting me of conspiring against the state. This is due to the student protestors that associate with me.

---

I force myself to remember my sins, with shame and agony... That is true repentance, not confessing them before some gossip hungry man dressed in black or spewing out some chants to honor an invisible force that is just as responsible for the transgression as the sinner. Repentence is a cross for one to bear throughout their lives. If the sins are insignificant then the cross will be quite tolerable and will eventually dissolve. But for me, memory guarantees a cross of redwood. At times I stand upon the cross to reach higher than I could've otherwise, but I never forget that my place is underneath it.

---

God is a residual hope from childhood... Why can't we accept that we are alone? Is man that much of a coward that he can't walk this path by himself?

Many are cowards by heredity. A seed passed from parent to child leaves them frightened into submission to a greater power. And when no greater power presents itself to take the the reigns of these cattle, the church, the state and the market pick up the slack while the cattle is none the wiser.

They all graze on, mooing and chewing while under the control of institutions created to keep them ignorant, obedient and hungry. And as each institution hones their skills of manipulation, the cattle lose more and more potential of ever becoming human.

The institutions rely upon the predictable deviants too maintain control. The predictable deviants aide the institution's efforts of instilling fear upon the cattle. By using violence these predictable deviants fill a role critical to the viabilty of the institutions, for without fear of the alternative the cattle wouldn't be so driven to remain a flock.

The media, under the influence of the combined force of the institutions, works to create a stark contrast between the predictable deviants and the institutions themselves. These predictable deviants are composed of criminals, terrorists, insurgents, and radical aggressors. All those people impose fear arbitrarily and often without intention, however, institutions work to maintain a ready, capable and consistent supply of members to this group, for without that group the need of the institutions becomes moot.

Without fear the cattle would be unhindered from discovering the abilities within themselves to maintain their own domain. Unfortunately the market encourages greed, while the church encourages fear and the state proposes the solution to the problems spawned from the latter by imposing restrictions upon the others. But while the state prohibits interaction amongst the two others, it allows the influence of each to positively effect decisions that enable the combined influence of each group upon the cattle.

Each institution is dependent upon the existence of the other, but each convince their respective devotees that their importance reigns supreme. Now each institution is comprised of either those of whom are influenced by each institution (church, state and market) or of fanatics that are willing to sacrifice to the extreme for the causes of their institution.

---

I've loved so hard for so long that sometimes I feel that all that's left is hate. But the hate burns out like a flash fire leaving smoldering ashes that get scattered by the winds. Even memories are left charred. That love that once was is replaced with a drier and darker contempt which is all there is to hold onto. Better to have nothing remaining. Better to leave only ash and dust, too weak, too insignificant to ever effect another. But that only results from explosion rather than a controlled fire. Containment allows for cultivation, to be cured by fire. Release can be satisfying, but not necessarily fulfilling. It is best to only explode the charred remains of the steady fire.

---

We waste these few precious moments we have to perform suspicious and imposed tasks, that we are not privileged to know either the meaning nor the motives, and still if we happen to summon the courage to object we are threatened with exile and shame; a risk worthy to those of pure heart and free mind. With every mistake, someone is responsible for its correction and the one responsible for the mistake, for the sake of good form and character, is oblidged to honor the one responsible for the correction, even if that person is partially responsible. The one in err must honor the other and submit to the latter's will. If this does not occur the dolt loses face, adorns shame and would likely loose the respect of contemporaries and peers, and in turn would be shunned. Indeed the correcter of the mistake would lose face if he or she maintains the same relationship after the mistaker fails to honor the correction. So one either must be willing to not act, or, under the circumstances where mistakes are made, must be willing to lose acquaintances in order to maintain any strength of character. Even friendships must be considered potentially expendable.

Random Quotes from the PDA [5]...

• The smoke of the fire blends into the Milky Way


• If Buddha were here I'd slug him in his pot belly.


• All we got to do
  Is band together


• "The less people read the more books they buy" - Camus


• Why can't women wear their practicality on their sleeve rather than trying to hide it in the shadow of their heart.


• Communication itself was spawned from the instinct to warn others and to encourage mating. America restricts the latter. Is it any wonder why we are so preoccupied with the former.


• Talking about the price of gasoline has replaced the normal weather smalltalk.


• My main spiritual grievance is that spiritual progress often runs counter to personal and family security.


• Enlightenment doesn't pay the rent.


• I know that God is a concept invented to keep man obedient--Christianity is a great sheep manufacturer--but I can't bring myself to abandon it.


• I've been excommunicated without the official papal seal.


• I fear evil because I know how easy it is to become it.


• I fear only my inabilities


• I can't escape from this face that betrays me!


• Insanity for the imaginative is tantamount to celebrity status whether true or not.

Random Quotes from the PDA [4]...

[Continuing the tradition of exposing every corner of my feable mind]


Shut your eyes and go to sleep
The day's been long and trying
On the nerves and the heart
Death's darkness is better than life's light
So unclench your fists
Release that knot in your back
Lie your head upon a pillow of faith
Forget the spinelessness of the cushion
Sink into the comfort of contentment
Lose reason in pleasure
Hide doubt behind security
Submit to the sway of the pendulum

---

Where's our mid-western messiah,
Was he abandoned out west?
Did he make his way out east?
Did he die?
Is he me?
Is he you?

---

Ode to the night air

Oh that night air
Universally crisp
Refreshing the soul
Reviving the spirit

Oh that air of the night
yearning for the root's nectar
Bluring the canvas of the mind
Impressions flutter through time

Oh air of the night
Your promise never fulfilled
Solutions never proven
The burning disk smothers your fire.

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Nietzsche and Dostoevsky...

Surely, by noting the title of this blog one is aware of the relation of it to Dostoevsky. His novel entitled Notes from the Underground was the first stop on my journey to find the source of original thought. I was haunted by his words and have since read a dozen of his novels. I later read several works of Nietzsche and found many similarities between the concepts of the two authors.

It was quite peculiar how similar Nietzsche's Pale Criminal from Thus Spake Zarathustra was to Raskolnikov from Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. Indeed, the concept that most relate as Nietzsche's was first described by Dostoevsky in Notes from the Underground.

In that novel Dostoevsky's character describes a potential future where all human behavior could be predicted based upon conditions and a measurement of advantage. He explained that no matter how rigorous and all encompassing the calculation for the human behavior, the results would inevitably be inaccurate. This is because the nature of humanity centers on spite.

Spite, he explained, is what makes us human. We can rebel from conformity in order to be individual. We can rebel from our originality to conform. And if every advantage was laid before us we can rebel from ourselves and choose injury in spite of what is expected. Spite is the key to individuality; without it, we are automatons responding predictably to stimuli.

By committing to spite, as this character had, he was forced to reassess his morals and principles, deciding on his own what constituted value. Good wasn't determined by what everyone else thought was good (Aristotelian model) and bad wasn't dependent upon injury. His character repeatedly displayed this mentality throughout the book. He had developed his own rules.

The ending of the novel better reveals the theme and demands to be restated here:

We don't even know what living means now, what it is, and what it is called? Leave us alone without books and we shall be lost and in confusion at once. We shall not know what to join on to, what to cling to, what to love and what to hate, what to respect and what to despise. We are oppressed at being men -- men with a real individual body and blood, we are ashamed of it, we think it a disgrace and try to contrive to be some sort of impossible generalized man. We are stillborn, and for generations past have been begotten, not by living fathers, and that suits us better and better. We are developing a taste for it. Soon we shall contrive to be born somehow from an idea.

And this idea that Dostoevsky speaks of, this spiteful man from which a truer individual is spawned, was defined twenty years later and almost 2000 miles away by the German philosopher, Nietzsche.

Nietzsche, took this spiteful man concept further to develop the Ubermensch (super-human). He described it as the goal of mankind. The steps required to reach this goal included:

• Rebelling against the old ideas (Spite)
• Creating your own code of living
• Continually overcoming yourself

Each step is reminiscent of Dostoevsky's Notes from the Underground to such a degree that one could assume that Nietzsche was Dostoevsky's protege. Unfortunately the two never met.

The Pursuit for Immortality...

I am a big fan of immortality, but but don't subscribe to the popular belief of spiritual immortality. See, I am quite certain that eternal life, regarding our consciousness, can only be achieved secularly.

That sales tactic of religion where God grants eternal bliss to obedient followers doesn't sit well with me. There is too much evidence that leads me to believe that higher consciousness is the direct result of patterns and complexity of the brain rather than some ethereal soul. This means that in order to live forever, our physical self must be eternally maintained.

How would one go about maintaining oneself eternally. Surely all cells decay and die quickly, so an organic life form is inherently doomed. One solution is to transfer our complexity and pattern to a maintainable, fault tolerant and secure system.

Eventually we'll be able to scan each and every neuron, detecting the strengths of axons and dendrites, each neural interconnection, the locations of capillaries and the bio-chemical constitution in sections of the brain environment. All these factors could be represented in a model of our brain, and the functions can be simulated. What then would be the conscious difference between the model and the physical thing?

There would be two individual entities, right? Certainly, eternal life for the original physical being will never be possible. Wrong! If by using nanorobots, you could replace each organic neuron with a seamlessly fit nano-neuron that takes over the connections of the physical cell, then by replacing each neuron, one by one, the organic conscious being phases out into the nano-brained being.

The death of single neurons occur continuously throughout our lives. Ever have a night of heavy drinking? Many brain cells die from poisoning. Drop acid, smoke crack, hold your breath too long? Chances are you killed some brain cells. But what if there is a single master brain cell that is key to consciousness? Well, then when that cell gets scanned and replaced, that key gets a face lift.

So, consciousness can be maintained beyond the organic realm, but there are other concerns. Resources is the primary concern. The world as we know it has a limit to its resources. Energy and matter will all eventually decay and become unusable. This means that any system will eventually fail. However, one can work to ensure that they live as long as the universe (which by all reasoning is infinity).

The being will have to consume resources for repairs and energy in order to continue their consciousness. This makes immortality dependent upon resources available to the being.

By accruing as much resources as possible, and being as efficient as possible a being could increase their potential for everlasting life. But by accumulating resources you take those resources from another entity bent upon the same drive. The victor of the resources essentially murders those that fail to acquire them.

That is the crime of immortality. In order for one to live forever, that being must kill off every other being. Sure there is the potential of a collection of entities equally sharing the resources, but one would sacrifice a shorter lifespan by doing so and would in essence be committing suicide (early death). Therefore, reason would assume that a being would work to rob the other entities of this collective to lengthen their own life.

The pursuit for immortality leads to eternal infamy.